-LRB- CNN -RRB- -- In a headline that calls out for attention -- `` A Gender Reversal on Career Aspirations '' -- the Pew Research Center reports that two-thirds of young women now say `` being successful in a high-paying career or profession '' is one of the most important goals in their lives .

While it may not be surprising that these women express more ambition than their mothers and grandmothers , it is surprising when they also display more ambition than their male peers . Is this a sign , then , that we are witnessing `` a gender reversal '' ? Or does it represent a kind of denial -- on the part of young women and men -- about the obstacles they will ultimately face at the workplace and in life ?

In the same poll , marriage and parenthood remain important life goals for all young adults , with 86 % of women and 82 % of men listing marriage as `` very important '' or `` one of the most important things '' in life . Children are even more desired , with 95 % of young women and 90 % of young men placing `` being a good parent '' in these same categories .

Yet young people 's actions , at least when it comes to family commitments , appear at odds with these stated aspirations .

Young people are not only postponing marriage , they are also far more likely than earlier generations to believe it is better to stay single than to enter or stay in a dissatisfying relationship . Moreover , while young women see marriage as desirable , they do not believe it is essential to their own happiness or to becoming a parent .

The gap between young women 's high aspirations -- for relationships and parenthood along with paid work -- and their increasing tendency to remain `` on their own '' suggest that they are hardly naive .

On the contrary , their career goals represent a realistic and cool-eyed assessment of how best to secure their own well-being , along with the well-being of any children they bear . In a world where women know they are likely to shoulder the responsibilities of supporting a family , often on their own , it is more dangerous to scale back ambitions than to give in to the obstacles they know they will likely encounter .

Focusing on self-development at the workplace does not , however , mean jettisoning hopes for a rich family life . When I interviewed young people about their experiences and outlooks , I found that women and men alike overwhelmingly say they want to combine committed work with a satisfying lifelong partnership between equals . They are also rightly skeptical about their chances of achieving this high standard .

Women are particularly aware of how hard it is to sustain a relationship , especially in the context of persistent work-family conflicts and rising financial uncertainty . An egalitarian partnership may be the ideal , but most young women see self-reliance through paid work as essential to their survival , offering the option to choose the right relationship , maintain a measure of autonomy within it and go it alone if nothing better comes along .

So what about young men ?

Men 's prospects have dimmed in finding the kind of stable jobs and careers their fathers and grandfathers took for granted . With the uncertainties of the new economy , where few jobs offer lifetime security , men 's scaled back aspirations are as understandable as women 's rising goals . Men , too , are caught on the horns of a dilemma , torn between the difficulty of establishing a steady career and strong pressures to define their worth by the size of the paycheck .

As women 's career aspirations rise and men 's tumble , this declining gender gap should serve as a wake-up call . Younger generations want to combine the personal pursuit of challenging , well-rewarded paid work with the pleasures and responsibilities of a committed family life . In fact , earlier Pew surveys found 73 % of Americans believe that women 's employment has been a `` change for the better , '' while 62 % say that sharing the responsibilities of paid work and rearing children is `` more satisfying than a more traditional marriage . ''

But as long as careers require unfettered , constant devotion and caretaking remains undervalued , privatized and penalized , the goal of striking their desired balance between paid work and the rest of life will remain illusive for young women and men alike .

The answer is to stop worrying about a gender reversal and focus instead on the institutional and cultural changes -- such as flexible careers and supports for caretakers of all stripes -- that will make genuine equality possible . It is past time to finish the gender revolution that began with women 's march into the workplace .

The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of Kathleen Gerson .

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Pew poll reports that young women have higher earning aspirations than young men

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Kathleen Gerson : Young people 's actions appear at odds with what they say

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Since traditional gender roles are eroding , young women value careers , says Gerson

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She says new generation wants work life balance , but there are many challenges